How to maintain positivity in your relationship when everyone else is breaking up

Me and N celebrated a two year anniversary recently. When we met I was sure I never want to be in a relationship again and I couldn’t imagine dating a street musician with waist-long dreadlocks, thinking that my dad is never ever going to approve. Now we live together and we are able to support each other through any sh*t we need to. I was unemployed for half of our relationship, N is getting ready to quit his job and start off in a new industry and we are dealing with our terrible living situation. On top of that, my anxiety is taking the best of me on those few days that we actually get to spend with each other due to the opposite working schedules. But here I am – happy.

Which surprises me, given my own relationship history and the number of toxic relationships I see around myself. Abuse, cheating, desperation. If you’ve ever been in the same position, when only a handful of your friends is in functioning relationships and the rest burst into tears or orders tequila shots whenever you open the topic, don’t let that get you down. It can be very hard and bring annoying doubt into your own relationship – no matter how confident you are with it – but the key is to remain positive and not compare your relationship to others.

1 Help your friends but don’t let them tear you down

More of my friends are coming to complain to me about their failing relationships lately. Whether that is a crush, friends with benefits dead-end, cheating or just sadness of being single, the ratio of negative to positive is around 80 to 20. I love my friends and I want to help them. I volunteer my hours (and liver) to discuss their problems and offer the best advice I have. And pay for the wine.

I understand they are in a sad situation which clouds their judgment so I am not surprised when they try to turn the table and analyse my relationship. Tell me that I should be suspicious too, that all men cheat and that the fact we don’t want to get married (like ever) is a lack of commitment from my boyfriend.

If you are experiencing similar backlash from your friends, it is understandable you might start to feel insecure about your relationship. But remember that this insecurity and the reasons for it are completely external, that someone imposed it on you. Yes, sometimes insecurity creeps in and if it comes from within you, then it is worth exploring why (see point 4), but if you suddenly want to check your boyfriend’s phone because your friend told you to, don’t. Remember you didn’t feel like this before your friend told you and trust your own gut and relationship.

glen-carrie-390862-unsplashPhoto by Glen Carrie on UnsplashRead More »
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5 Tips on Avoiding Burn Out in a New Job

As you may know, I have recently started a new job and boy it hasn’t been easy! I struggled with doubts, stress and worries. Finally, after three months, I can say that I am beginning to enjoy my new job and see some positives.

We all have dream jobs – which usually turn out to be nothing like we’ve imagined – but the truth is that if you are young and lack years of experience, getting any job is a success. Most of us end up accepting jobs that are not exactly what we were hoping for and have to learn how to love their jobs, which can be quite challenging. Since we spent most of the hours of the day in work, feeling stressed in work is very dangerous to our mental health and takes a toll on our physical health too. So how can you look after yourself if you’ve just started a new job?

Below I put together a few tips that helped me to make it through the confusing and difficult initial months. While I believe they can be especially useful for newbies, many of them will help even those who feel stuck in a job they had for a long time.

1 Accept the learning curve

I am a perfectionist who struggles to admit when she doesn’t know something. Accepting that I am new and I have to ask for help was quite difficult for me. Even if you don’t take it to the extreme like me, I bet you do not feel comfortable asking twenty questions a day and you wish you knew who Carol is, when they tell you to ask for her signature.

But let’s face it, you’ve just started and no one can expect you to know who Carol is. Your team and workplace should help you overcome this too and encourage your questions rather than make you feel inappropriate. If you feel like you are bothering people, try explaining your situation to them and adding that you appreciate their help.

Don’t beat yourself over not knowing things. Embrace the learning and enjoy that you are sort of allowed to make mistakes. Try to absorb as much information and make as many connections as possible. They’ll be handy in the future.  I personally recommend taking notes of everything and anything. Procedures, names, logins and important dates or how Dave from finance takes his coffee… You never know when you’ll need a favour.

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Brooke Lark

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Five steps to take if you’ve just moved to London

I will always remember getting off a delayed coach in the Victoria station and facing the overwhelming buzz of the station, stunned and scared. The size and beat of London, represented by the station on an autumn day in 2015, was one of many shocks I experienced in London and learning how to fight my way through crowds was just one of many things I’ve learnt. After three years of living in the capital, many things come naturally to me and I feel confident and safe – well at least about 50% of the time.

Moving to London on my own without knowing anyone in the city was the most terrifying and empowering journey of my life so far. However,  I did not come unprepared and I knew what were the first steps I wanted to take to when setting up my life, having previously checked various forums. To give you a quick overview, I listed things that I see as essential steps for any newcomer to London. Unfortunately, I can only provide guidance for those coming from the European Union pre-Brexit, although some of those tips apply to anyone. I also attached links to relevant websites for more information or any pre-registration necessary.

1 | Find somewhere to stay or a someone with an address

Obviously! I have previously written a guide on renting in London, but the truth is you might be more comfortable staying in a hostel or hotel when you first move to the city. If you are moving for work, this might even be something your employer takes care of or if you are a student, there is the option of halls. Whatever it is, you should find a place that you are going to stay for at least a week or two and use it as a base. You will find it hard to take the steps described below if you do not have somewhere to stay and address that you can use on official documents.

Some people come to the city and stay with their family or crush on their friends’ sofas and that is perfectly okay. The importance of this step is not so much your comfort but the address you will be giving to the bank and the council.

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Benjamin Davies

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What have you actually learnt in university and how to use it in your adult life

I have been missing university lately. You probably think that I am talking about the parties, fewer responsibilities and eating pasta three times a day without regrets. Yes, I miss those, although I still happily eat pasta three times a day without a second thought about carbs, I miss how my energy and time were almost entirely dedicated to learning. It was days, weeks and years to learn and explore.

When I started to think about how much I miss university, I soon realised that putting my university life and life after into a contrast n is wrong. Many of us have taken their lives in completely opposite directions than what they were ‘meant’ to be according to their degrees, and this might make one think that university is a separate episode in the life of those who are lucky enough. But that is not true. I believe that by remembering things we did at university and, more importantly, our mindsets, we can enhance our lives after graduation.  Try and bring a little bit of the student in you back rather than trying to suddenly transform into someone who only thinks about university when they deal with a hangover on a Saturday morning, praying to have their 19-year old body. When I reminded myself of the basic rules I followed that made my university years successful and worth remembering, I realised I can easily do the same now.

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Vasily Koloda

1 Focus

Firstly, being focused is about paying attention like you’d do in a lecture. Listen to your boss, colleagues, friends and partner. Be present. There are a million things that go through my mind when I am at my desk. What am I gonna cook for a dinner? Why is my skin so bad lately? Taxes to pay… but now I remind myself to focus on one thing or task at a time and switch off the rest of my brain. In a way, I reset my brain to the less stressful time of my life – when I didn’t have to pay taxes – and this way I am giving the present person or task my full and undivided attention.

Secondly, choosing your university degree was about focusing on one particular subject you enjoyed. Maybe it wasn’t what you wanted to do as a career or it was the only program you were accepted onto but you were able to keep the focus and take appropriate steps to achieve a focused goal.  Let that inspire you when you set goals in your life or career. Write a list of things you need to do – like you would write down the modules you needed for credits; research classes and opportunities – like you did with extracurricular activities; and network with the right people – like you would for group tasks.Read More »

How to not be the kind of tourist Londoners can’t stand

Despite its size and the number of people that live in it, London still has a communal feeling to it. It might be because each neighbourhood is very different and to an outsider, London must feel like a patchwork. Try visiting Brixton, South Kensington and Camden in one day and you will see what I am talking about!

After the terrorist attack on Westminster Bridge in March 2017, Londoners showed their defiance as well as companionship. Brexit is almost a dirty word in London, home to millions of migrants from around the world, who form the backbone of staff in many industries, including hospitality – and boy, Londoners love to drink.

London can get lonely, stressful and people are always busy here. But they also take time to take care of their communal spaces, organise neighbourhood markets and talk to tourists about this great city over a pint or coffee.

Londoners are aware of how much tourism means for their city and. In fact, many came as tourists and decided to stay because they fell in love with the city. However, now, all settled in, some of us do get slightly annoyed with the hoards of tourists we have to fight on a daily basis. We really want you to have a great time but we also want to get to work on time. So what are the top annoying things that I know get on nerves of those who live in London?

*Disclaimer: those things are not necessarily London specific and you can easily treat this article as A Guide on Being a Better Tourist in a City.*zoe-holling-610544-unsplash

Zoe Holling

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What if I was meant to be a dentist?

I have not had too many jobs in my life but I have always had a strong idea of what I wanna do and more precisely, how I wanna do it.  I wanted to love my job and do it well. I wanted to enjoy it. And then I started my current job. On paper, a PR Coordinator role in a global company seemed like a great opportunity to learn and grow. The job involved what I always thought I wanted to do – writing, attending press trips and coming up with ideas and stories that journalists want to write about. Plus free dinners and drinks…

vladislav-muslakov-261627-unsplash.jpgVladislav Muslakov
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STOMPgate

I have never lived in Paris,  New York or Tokyo and my experience only comes from London. I hope – for the sake of readers from those cities and everyone else – that this only applies to London…but it seems to me London is home to the loudest kind of neighbours.

mike-marquez-589521-unsplash.jpgPhoto by Mike Marquez on UnsplashRead More »